Grace Means: Submission To Husbands

Grace Means: Submission To Husbands

1 Peter 3:1-7

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate, not as inferior, but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability to God, and so partnering with them] so that even if some do not obey the word [of God], they may be won over [to Christ] without discussion by the godly lives of their wives, when they see your modest and respectful behavior [together with your devotion and appreciation—love your husband, encourage him, and enjoy him as a blessing from God]. Your adornment must not be merely external—with interweaving and elaborate knotting of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or [being superficially preoccupied with] dressing in expensive clothes; but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands and adapting themselves to them; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham [following him and having regard for him as head of their house], calling him lord. And you have become her daughters if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear [that is, being respectful toward your husband but not giving in to intimidation, nor allowing yourself to be led into sin, nor to be harmed].

In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an intelligent regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered or ineffective.” 

True religion starts at home. How we live towards our own family says a lot about how real our faith is. Many people live one way at church, and another way at home, and God says it is not to be that way. Your faith should impact the way you live at home, and the way you treat your husband, your wife, your children, your parents — every family member. There should be no disconnect between church and home. Your faith should impact the way you live in your home.  

Now we should put this all in a little bit of context, which will help us understand everything in this passage better. If you go back to I Peter 2:12, you remember Peter told us “Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles.” He says, people in the world are saying bad things about you as Christians, so you be extra careful to live in a way that is a good witness to them. Then he said: “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution” - be a good witness by submitting to authority wherever you are: at work, towards the government, and in your family. Even when you suffer, like Jesus did, do it as a good witness, trusting God. That is the context which brings us to this passage. Chapter 3 just continues these same ideas, except now it applies to the home.   

Christianity always starts at home. Our first mission field is where we live. God speaks here to both men and women about how to live their faith at home: 

Peter says wives are to be a witness by following the Leadership of your husband: “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.” 

Peter begins this by saying “In the same way,” continuing the thought of Chapter 2, that we are all to submit to various authorities in our lives: in government, on the job, and in the family. All of us have to submit to authority in different areas of our lives. This reminds us that God designed the husband to be the spiritual leader of the home. Unfortunately, many men have basically forfeited that leadership. The biggest problem in many homes today is NOT that there is a wife who won’t follow the spiritual leadership of her husband, but that the husband will not step up and be the spiritual leader that God has called him to be. 

But there seems to be a reason Peter reminds us of this here, and it has to do with the whole theme of I Peter 2 & 3, of being a witness. Peter talks about how many of these husbands are “disobedient to the word” - in other words, they are “lost;” they don’t know the Lord. They were probably worshiping idols. But the wives he was writing to, were Christians, who worshiped Jesus. This was a big problem in the first century, when this book was written. 

In Greco-Roman culture, a wife was expected to adopt the religion of her husband: “A wife … should make her husband’s friends her own. The gods are the first and most significant friends. For this reason, it is proper for a wife to recognize only those gods whom her husband worships …”. (Schreiner pp. 152-153) 

When women in Peter’s time became Christians while their husbands were not, this was seen by many in their time as a rebellion against their husbands! Peter was not going to tell these women to give up their faith in Christ. But that is why he emphasized this point to them: in light of the way people think you are rebelling against your husband by worshiping Christ, be careful to show them that Christianity does NOT make you rebellious against him. Show them that in every other way in your life, Christ does NOT make you rebellious, but He makes you a godly and loving wife in your home. 

And he goes on to say, if you will live like that, as a good witness to your husband in your own home, you may win him to the Lord “without a word” by your behavior. Sometimes those in our family can get tired of hearing us encourage them to follow Christ. They may become almost “deaf” to it. So he says, instead, just LIVE OUT your faith at home, and you may win your spouse — and children and many others — to the Lord as well, by your life. 

Let me say this here: God is not saying that you should never fix your hair, or wear jewelry, or nice clothes. But He is saying, don’t make these the most important things. They are not. 

The way we appear is part of our witness, isn’t it? We don’t want to appear slovenly; that is not a good witness for the Lord. But there is so much attention today given to outward appearance. Clothes and appearance are not everything. Proverbs 11:22 says “As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.” 

In I Samuel 16, Samuel thought that Jesse’s son Eliab “looked the part” of the next king of Israel. But God told him in verse 7, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Eliab “looked good” - but God told Samuel, he’s not the one. I know his heart. How many people is that true of today as well: they’ve got all the right clothes, the right makeup, the right appearance - but their heart is not right with God who says, that is the most important thing! 

God is concerned about your spirit; your inward nature. Specifically, Peter says, what God wants to see is “a gentle and quiet spirit.” That is what is “precious in the sight of God.” Your spirit; your inward character. I think we’d all agree with that in principle, but ask yourself: am I living that way? Am I living like my inward, spiritual life is more important than just my external appearance?  

1. Do you spend more time watching tv, or with God? That gets a lot of us right there, doesn’t it; and not just women, but all of us. What we do with our time shows what we value. What are you investing your time in?  

2. And women, Peter is speaking to you here; ask yourself: do you spend more time in the morning fixing your hair, and makeup, and clothes - or in reading God’s word and praying? Is it even close? I’ve heard women say they spend at least an hour a day getting their hair ready and putting their face on. Do you spend an hour with God in His word & prayer

This is what we are trying to get at: Let’s make your inward, spiritual life the priority God wants it to be. Set a time and place to meet God. Do you have a time and place to meet God? Be persistent, and focus on meeting Him. Make that a bigger priority in your life rather than picking out the right outfit and getting your hair and makeup right. 

And as you do that, it will be a witness to your family, that there is something more to your life than merely external appearance. God says, live out your faith at home. Show your family, and others, that you are not only concerned with your outward appearance, but that your spiritual life is even more important to you - and that it should be to them too! 

Verse 6 applies to all kinds of situations. Do what is right, and don’t be “frightened by any fear.” Sometimes women (like all of us) tend to “freak out” over situations. 

I Peter 2:23 said about Jesus: “He kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges rightly.” Jesus had done nothing wrong; yet He was oppressed for it. But Peter said Jesus did not “freak out;” instead (like we saw in Psalm 37) He “trusted in God and did what was right.” Then here in Chapter 3, it says that Sarah “did what was right without being frightened with any fear.” So, God says here, wives, ladies, (and ALL of us!): YOU do the same thing. Don’t “freak out” about things, but trust your situation to God. 

And as you show them how you trust God, it will help them to learn to trust God too. So, God’s saying here, in all these different ways, be a witness to your own family, by living out your faith at home. And of course, men are to do the same thing. Men are to live their faith at home too, and God shows us a couple of ways to do that in Verse 7: Love your wife by treating her as an equal partner. Peter says: “show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life” 

If the responsibility of the wife is to follow her husband’s spiritual leadership. The matching responsibility of the husband is to treat his wife as a spiritual equal in their home. She is not a “servant,” or a “second class citizen;” she is a “fellow heir” of God’s grace; just as saved; just as spiritual. And you need to treat her that way. 

In her book, It’s My Turn, Ruth Graham shares some very honest experiences that she and Billy had in their marriage, as they worked out the dynamics of their relationship as husband and wife. She wrote: “Long, long ago, in the prehistoric days of our marriage, we were having a not-unusual difference of opinion. Now I come from a long line of strong-minded people — strong-minded and outspoken. I don’t think the men in Bill’s family were accustomed to strong-minded and outspoken women. So, there were Times. This was one of them.  ‘I have never taken your advice before,’ Bill told me bluntly that dumb, dark day, ‘and I don’t intend to begin now.”  ‘I’d be ashamed to admit,’ I replied disrespectfully, ‘that I had married a woman whose advice I couldn’t take.’”  (Ruth Bell Graham, It’s My Turn, p. 58-59) 

You can tell that Mrs. Ruth Graham was just a little bit feisty! But there is a lot of truth in what she said. Just because you’re the husband doesn’t mean that you have all the answers. A wise husband will consult his wife, and get her input. God has given her gifts and wisdom and sometimes insight that you don’t have. Love your wife by treating her, as Peter says here, “as a fellow-heir of the grace of life.” 

Peter says to “live with your wife in an understanding way”. This is literally, live with her, “according to knowledge.” Know who she is. Know her strengths and weaknesses. Your wife may be physically weaker than you are; most women are; that’s what it means here when it says she is a “weaker vessel.” But she also has corresponding mental and emotional and spiritual strengths, that may be as good or better than yours. Know her. Treat her “according to knowledge.” Treat her in a way that shows you understand and appreciate her. 

If women perhaps tend to “freak out” about some things; Men on the other hand are not always as understanding of their wives as they should be. So God says treat her “according to knowledge”: It’s treating your spouse with understanding in all those “little things” that can really make a marriage. 

If you were to sum it all up, it would say “love” her. Now this passage doesn’t call it “love” - but Ephesians 5:25 does. It says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself up for her.” So, men are commanded to “love” their wife. But we need to understand that love is NOT just a “feeling,” or saying “I love you.” I Corinthians 13 says “love is patient; love is kind …”. Love is living with your wife in an understanding way, like Peter says here. A husband who does that, “loves” his wife.